In my opinion the definitive list of Holiday rankings are as follows:
1. Thanksgiving
You can tell someone likes their family if their favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. You can also tell that they also like to eat a shit ton and prefer holidays where moving is frowned upon, and watching TV all day is considered highly normal, if not a rite of passage. These people are not psychopaths, they are my friends.
The Iconic Instagram: the dining room table/turkey
2. 4th of July
Bros flock to this holiday. As do veterans, moms with an unhealthy Pintrest obsession, people who like to be outside/the beach and binge drinkers. As I fall under one of these categories (not a bro, not a mom, outdoors- just ok) I feel a certain connection to this holiday. Who doesn't like getting drunk and watching things explode? Conclusion: Not psychopaths.
Iconic Insta: American Flag Apparel on the Beach, while funneling an American Flag Bud Heavy (fireworks a plus, but not necessary)
3. Christmas/Hannukah
PRESENTS. That's all right?
4. Halloween
Used to be my at LEAST my 2nd favorite in college/grade school (interesting how differently Halloweens' change from those 2 points- but that's a whole other matter). From candy to slutty outfits and mischievousness, Halloween is a lot of fucking fun. And provides for excellent entertainment if you are lucky enough to witness a Nov. 1 walk o' shame (stride of pride). Another point of intrest that Halloween provides, and I LOVE, is that groups of people instantly become something else- for example a group of people you may have previously described as 'Frat Guys' instantly become 'That Group of Smurfs told me to come to their party tonight.' or 'I can't believe that Slutty Nun ate all of those cookies and peed on the floor'. Basically- you are almost a psychopath if you don't like Halloween (or diabetic-if so,sry)
Insta: You in a slutty crayon costume with a pack of drunk teletubbies
Uneasy Territory
5. Memorial Day/Labor Day
I group these two together because I often have a hard time remembering which is which. Both of these holidays are actually quite nice so I don't want to hate on them don't get me wrong. But if someone is going to go out on a limb and say that one of these is their FAVORITE holiday, then there is something fishy going on there. But I'm gonna go with; Memorial Day- you are definitely a little off for your choosing, but hey maybe you just really summer and can't wait for the season to begin/honoring the veterans. Labor Day- I am uncomfortable around you.
Insta: Drinking outdoors, anywhere really
6. Easter
I always feel bad for the poor guy that has to get in the Bunny Suit. Like I always imagine a few guys standing around it, shaking their heads and saying "no way man" until someone finally says 'Fuck It' and gets in. Also- its never REALLY that warm for Easter, yet since its like almost kinda warm we get in dresses and are uncomfortably chilly for the rest of the day. Not a bad holiday, but certainly not the best (unless you are Jesus). Note: I might be bitter since this year my parents sent me a hollow chocolate bunny, and that's just unacceptable.
Insta: A noticeably chilly you, with a noticeably miserable Easter Bunny.
Definitely a Psychopath
7. New Years
I've had some great New Years, and generally I do like the Holiday, it has a certain climatic excitement about it you can't get anywhere else. But with that excitement, come dread, despair and anxiety. (ok maybe I'm being dramatic, but who the fuck can get a new cute sparkly dress every single year?) Prices for drinks are high, you need to plan where you may go (especially in NYC) months ahead of time, and ITS SO FUCKING COLD. End of story. People that love New Years Eve should be treated with caution.
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